Tucked under the covers and propped on doubled pillows with crutches standing at ready near by, I write.
Yes, somehow I have managed to screw up my right ankle and in these past couple days I’ve come to a deeper more reverent appreciation for the fact that I’ve been given two feet. God in all his wisdom, perfection and glory has blessed me greatly.
I won’t say I haven’t had moments of rather acute frustration (showering was a disaster) and the enemy is surely trying to get the “keep moving do-it-yourself” side of me down but God is still good and a useless foot cannot keep me from singing his praise. This must look so small to the God of all creation and He’s still holding me.
He is still holding us. We’re so ceaselessly thankful to have such a loving Father. He keeps knocking our socks off with how abundantly and perfectly He provides for His children.
These past months have been beyond crazy and difficult, like no other time in our lives. By some undefinable act of grace we are still going, running on His strength alone as the day approaches when engagement shall be closed in the coffin and forever put to rest.
Four months and ten days down, less than two months to go. He’s provided our living situation and enabled us to set that in stone, matched my family up with a friend in need of housing who will stick around after I move out to help with child care and such, blessed us with people who pray with and for us, provided again and again with TK’s work situation and even been so good with little wedding details such as finding my dress. Those are just a few things; the list goes on and on.
So for now we’re just clinging to our Father as He gets us through this time one day at a time. We stand (sit, hop and crawl in my case) in His grace alone. We ask to keep praying that He may be glorified.
Morning. I wake feeling as though, perhaps, just perhaps, my brains might be revived from a night’s sleep. Pushing away the covers, I arise to great the day, abandon all previous hope for the recovery of my thinking skills, and bid my brains fare the well!
That’s what it feels like. I’m constantly running out of brains! I find that life now, and quite probably forever more, can be summed up in one simple sentence-
God remains good and my brains remain strangely absent.
I have come to understand, with great passion and sympathy, why my own mother, in my younger years, would, on occasion, take ages to answer a simple question. In those seemingly far off days it had irked my childish impatience. Now I’ve come to appreciate the fact that she even found it in her busy mother-of-four mind to answer at all. It’s interesting how time can change that.
Sometime last year I had concluded that I knew, very well, the life of a scatterbrained individual. I was wrong! Engagement magnifies all that still! I don’t really know what it is. I’m endlessly grateful that we’re both the type to keep detailed to do lists. God’s been so sweet to give me a man that will use what’s left of his own weary mind to keep me accountable and urge me on. All we can do is lift our hands to our blessed Lord; He only is worthy of all credit and praise for everything. We’re just clinging desperately to Him with the last of anything we’ve got left (and for me that’s not the brains).
So if you’re talking to me and my gaze goes right past your face and on into hyperspace I ask that you just praise God then make loud obnoxious noises and dance around like a fool to jar me back into reality (or scare the pee out of me).
In time’s such as these I just thank God because He’s always God regardless of my current mental state. And He’s been so faithful to provide that “sound mind” right at the last moment when I need it. May He receive all the glory!
And on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces of your peers Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause
I could not care at all
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Cause the world, will never take my heart
You can try, you’ll never break me
Want it all,
I’m gonna play this part
Wont explain or say i’m sorry
I’m not ashamed,
I’m gonna show my scar
You’re the chair, for all the broken Listen here, because it’s only..
I’m just a man,
not a hero
Just a boy, who’s meant to sing this song
Just a man,
I’m not a hero
I — don’t — care
We’ll carry on
We’ll carry on
I have too much going on right now. I can’t think straight anymore and I can’t seem to remember if I lost my mind. Things are “good” (relative), but we’re just so darn busy that we can’t seem to catch a break from anything. Here’s what’s up in our lives:
- The India 08 trip looms on the horizon. We have another $3,000 to raise to get there and back again, along with all of the trip meetings, the planning, packing, and preparing for the trip. SCREAM!!!!
- We just started our company today, which is named “TK, Assembled.” Laugh all you want, but it’s real and legit. I’ve even got our logo done, and I just did our first invoice today. My new job and company are hand in hand, but there is so much to do as far as banking, management, and bookkeeping. I’m working 10-6 every day of the week, so time is definitely at a premium. All these things are slowly yet surely crushing my internal organs. This is a brand new thing for me, doing the whole entrepreneur thing and starting something big. I’m so glad I have my bride to encourage me onward, it helps so much.
The job I’m doing right now is so much bigger than even I know. I can’t emphasize enough how large and massive this website and concept is. It’s completely ridiculous how much work will need to be done on it. Again, my beautiful bride keeps lovingly nudging me on, and I’m so grateful.
- Well, we definitely have our wedding still on the horizon to plan. There’s no big deal with that, in fact it’s not too hard. There’s certainly a lot to do, but I would much rather be doing wedding stuff than all of the other things that I have to do. The sooner the wedding, the better, but it’s on May 3rd regardless.
- I’ve been officially accepted into the e3 Internship program, which I have no idea what that means and the full implications of taking on another job.
- School is HECK and I thought my Photoshop teacher had completely abandoned me for a moment there, I worked all night on a project, then went to turn it in and it didn’t work. That was nearly where I had a nervous breakdown.
- Sometime, I have to meet with Jim and “sort out” the “issues” that we have. I know it won’t get anything done, but as a Christian, I need to be accountable and I need to speak up when something is horribly wrong, and there is something horribly wrong with him and that ministry. I’m praying for the guys that come in there, that they’d really find God amidst all of the distraction and the corruption.
We’ll hopefully write soon!
- TK & Lea
It’s been a long time since we posted, so I thought I should add to the blog to keep everyone updated. Well, yes, we’re engaged, we’re getting married in May (not soon enough), May 3rd to be exact. I’m happy to have a ring on her finger, a date for the wedding, and just to know that I’m going to be her groom forever and always.
However, in our case, we’ve found out the absolute frustration of just being engaged. There’s no stress about the wedding planning, and we’ve never fought or had really any disagreements, that’s not where the frustration comes from. The rest of the world has to deal with that, but none of those things are too large for our God to push through. They are petty and meaningless in the light of getting married. Our frustration is different.
Many of you won’t understand what will follow. The frustration we now have is from not being married. God has created us to be one, and in many ways we are, we think the same way, love the same things, have a parallel passion for God, and while we are apart, we only feel like two halves, rather than a whole person. Herein lies the tragedy and the frustration.
We are one in mind, one in heart, one in soul, and one in spirit. Yet, I go home every night to a place that isn’t my real home, and she goes home to a place that isn’t her home. I wake up each morning in a strange place, and every morning she wakes up in a strange place. I have to drive half an hour to get from my current residence to hers, and at any given moment, I am thirty minutes away from her.
Of course, we won’t go into specifics regarding the full extent of this period of suffering, but you must understand that we need prayer as we suffer patiently through this awfully long period of 5 months.
Till then, we will wait, suffer, and we will pray. Until next time,
And now I need to shut up about my whining. Moving on…
Ok, so I swear I’m ok. Things are just getting more and more difficult as each day goes on. I understand that this is to be expected- as of today I haven’t eaten in 35 days. Each day is getting rougher, yet my to-do list gets longer and longer. I suppose it’s time to suck it up and just do it all. The enemy is looking for weakness and I want to ensure that he knows he came to the wrong place. No matter what is thrown at me, I’m going to take my life and drive it onward, there’s no other way.
As we draw closer and closer to the end of our fast and farther and farther from who we used to be, the clock is ticking quickly. I’m excited because I want to tell the news to our parents and set off the alarm.
It’s getting cold here. I’m freezing my butt off, sitting here at work. The thermostat says it is 76 degrees, but that has to be a lie… it’s earth-vexingly cold.
I’m so glad and grateful for old friends that hold on. I am glad and grateful for those who bless me, pray for me, and stick with me through thick and thin. God deserves people that are strong, that’s what He paid for. We’re blessed to have Aunt Simone and Uncle Russell, Papa Ron, Nate, Brittany, & Zech. These men and women of God deserve to be commended for being faithful to Him. To all of you, thank you for supporting Lee & I as we go into a new season.
I am so excited for the end of our fast, not to start eating again, but to finally tell the news of our God’s decision. It is true that things happen so much more quickly in a fast. It’s day 25, and we’re sorting and working out all of the details as we near the 40th day. A lot of work has to be done, and with great haste. We only have 15 days to go, and then the news will be set free. I am excited to talk to some, while anxious and nervous about talking to others. I don’t worry, how can I? Still, I want to plan out possible outcomes (I suppose that’s what it means to be a man) in advance, that I might know what to get ready for; however, with many I don’t know what to expect at all. All I know is to laugh in their faces in confidence of what my God is doing and just Who He Is. At the same time I am excited for the fast to end, I know I’ll miss the amazing time that fasting is. Mark my words, this won’t in any way be the last time I fast, in fact, I’m getting ready for a lifetime of prayer, fasting, watching, and waiting. It’s what I have been called to.
What’s on the radar for now? I suppose it just involves a lot of prayer and support on my end. Lee has to make quite a few decisions (and, for the most part, on her own), and I need to support, lift, and foster those. I also have the great reward of announcing the great things that are coming. I have to more or less confront our parents about the whole matter, and I know that quite a few concerns are going to be had, and raised. I get the opportunity now to stand and be a man. All the things that are happening now are more or less preparing us for the long, hard road ahead. We are going to start now preparing for what we have to do in our future. The road into the future doesn’t start in the future, it starts in the past and continues through the present.
I’m also working constantly and consistently at my schoolwork, as Lee is as well. She needs to take care of finishing her high-school: luckily, she can finish at her own pace. However, that pace does have a sense of urgency as her 18th birthday approaches at the end of March, and our most-special day approaches in May. I need to stay on top of my schoolwork, and that does involve many hours of homework, many hours of studying, and doing whatever it takes to continue onward with it all.
I’m doing my best to save financially, as I have a few important effects to purchase before long.
Other than that, we’re continuing to seek wise counsel and prayer as we go through this time. It seems we’ve found exactly what we need in the Romo’s, as they had been asking for people like us to pray and fellowship with. We have been earnestly praying for people who would understand God the radical way that we do, and we have found that in them. It is beyond blessing to us to have the opportunity to bless others while we are being blessed by them. Actually, blessing only really comes from one place anyway, so I assume you, my readers, to know that of which I speak.