First, let me apologize explicitly for the lack of updates on this blog for the last better part of a year. To say that we’ve been idle is a lie: we have been busier than ever studying, working, growing, and exploring HaShem’s (literally: “the Name,” a term to refer to the holy Name of G-d*) sacred word. Too much has happened to note, but for starters, let’s list off a few things that we aren’t. We aren’t pregnant, we aren’t stagnant, we aren’t having any marital problems, we aren’t moving out of state, and we aren’t a couple of strange recluses that shun social life. On the contrary, we’re growing closer together in love, closer to G-d in reverence and obedience, and we do hunger for community. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Spring is here. And all my awakened-girlish-excitements-of-flowers-and-things with it. I find that the hills amongst which we abide smell different somehow in spring time sunshine. It makes me smile and get all these dorky sentimental feelings over memories of previous years that suddenly seem close enough to touch again. I’m not sure how smelling some sun-shined-upon dirt does that, but it never seems to fail. And what can I say; these previous spring-times have been treasure. But also now, perhaps more so, I am looking ahead rather than back. The season this year looks as though it will hold the pattern and prove to be a whole new treasure of it’s own.
I am watching things turn green. Little seedlings finally finding the courage to take a timid peak into the world above. “All things are becoming new”. And should it be any surprise that life seems to mimic the fields and the blossoms? (there is Newness everywhere). Let me see if I can explain this in mere words. Most things seem bigger than simple type can often communicate. Let’s see…
God is a master gardener. He uproots and plants things amongst others at the perfect times and seasons. We cannot fathom his methods; I suppose all of us are well aware of that fact by now. My own garden (or rather semi futile attempt at a first timer garden) looks to be well on it’s way to failure (there have been a few do’s that I didn’t and don’ts that I did. I’ve learned a lot for my next try) but now I am seeing that God’s gardens are a tad different from mine. And He doesn’t have to fiddle with the art thinking, ‘Hmmm, perhaps the raddishes and the carrots don’t belong together in the same row after all’. He knows. And is doing some considerabley more important gardening of hearts and people.
For example (gosh I love this! Just love it!) I’ve noticed that whenever I’ve recently been through, am going through or am about to experience a unique spot in life God seems to just effortlessly plop all the perfect people right into my path. It’s a sudden coming-to-light of all the work he must’ve been previously doing for that moment to take place. It’s much too strenuous on my brain to comprehend so instead of trying to figure it out I just dance around, all giddy about it, like a complete fool, for awhile.
When my family went through divorce I was suddenly surrounded by younger girls who’s family’s were going through the same thing. When I had my bout with depression during that time God threw in a few girls who just KNEW what it was like and that made a world of a difference. That seems pretty awesome to me, but did He stop there?! NOooooo!
He continued on to the most recent heart-gardening marvel. We’ve been married a year now. And now God’s given a couple of dear couples who are getting married this summer! Both couples have become our dear dear friends and I’m just giddy about the fact that God would use us in His work of encouraging their hearts in this brand new time of life! At this point I start babbling and sputtering in excitement! It must look so simple and clean to God Himself but I’m baffled by it and in love with the way He works. And these are only a few examples! We can chat about the numerous others sometime if you like.
So in conclusion, I’m STINKING EXCITED about this year. I just marvel about what He’ll choose to do with the rest of it. Just keep praying for us that we’ll coninue to seek Him and set aside all distractions.
Oh P.S. Pray for us as we (or actually me. Tyler has been involved for the past couple of years) enter into youth ministry! This tuesday is my first night. Pray pray pray that God brings all the right girls to be in the small group I’ll be leading. This next 4 weeks is the sort of forming of groups. Thanks!! So coming up next (I guess)…
“The World of Youth”
So we’re in a new year. It feels almost the same yet different. I know there’s a lot to come this year and much to learn. God is slowly teaching me to follow my dreams because they’re from Him and not just silly fantasies of my childhood heart that still lingers. So I have a feeling that this shall be an interesting year. With my Father and my oh-so-loving-and-patient husband encouraging me I shall go forth to attempt things I’ve been to timid to go after till now. God be praised. My man has a million dreams of his own and it’s interesting to recognize how our dreams intertwine and work together and sometimes blend into one. I love my man and only hope I can encourage and help him along as much he has me. We are so blessed. And, I suppose, there’s not much more that can be said.
And now here is a bit I wrote before the new year:
It always seems to catch me off guard. Today it happened in the car on the way home from work. I was in that tired mixed with peacefullness state of mind and the sky seemed unusually pretty. Suddenly I felt the urge to write. Obviously my current position of controlling the vehicle in which I sat made this impossible so I began to sing. First just random lyrics of some sad would-be-love song relating in no way to my present living circumstances (but because I’ve heard it in the store and it was so beautifully written and sang in fine breathy tones I sort of have a pathetic fondness of) then I began to sing to God and my husband (who was not there…eeeek suspicious) and to the rest of the known world (who also…hmm…could not hear me…). Somehow I think life felt suddenly in need of a song or a poem or, for heaven sake, at least an under-read internet post. So here I am. Now that I’ve revealed the alarming secrets of my lone, radio-less freeway drives I shall speak of the life which drives me to sing or sings me to drive or writes me to … never mind.
The year is almost gone. It hasn’t been boring but neither has it been so dreadfully busy as to kill me. It’s a joy to be typing the words as we pass into the new year. There is much ahead. And that’s pretty much all I can tell. I can strain my eyes trying to look at our future but the only thing I can really make out there is a lack of idle hands (God willing. I know He shall keep challenging us and waiting patiently as I jitter, at times with my hands over my eyes, up to those challenges). It’s one thing to grow up but entirely another to grow out (hey I know we’ve both gained weight since marriage but that is not what I’m referring to). One thing to claw your way to the top, to make a name for yourself for then you have made yourself large before the world. Another thing to be stretched outward by the Maker’s own loving hands, to feel those little rips and tears in your sides as you are somehow stretched farther to touch more lives than you ever thought possible for then the Father has made you grow before himself. We might not be larger after the latter or the former but the difference is, I think, either standing on top some blocks we’ve built thinking we’ve gained some height or becoming suddenly aware of all the empty space our breaking tearings and tryings have left and watching them be filled by something that we could have never found or attained. And I’ll stop right there for fear of becoming over poemanticized.
My point being that I’m beginning to feel those little rips and tears of not being enough as He stretches me to fearlessly go forth in His Name, and each time I break or rip He is ever offering to fill where I lack (even if I don’t get it at first).
Merry Christmas, everyone. It’s been such a “year,” so much done and so much more left undone. I know that some people assume just getting married involves such a huge change in life. On the contrary, I’ve found that it’s wonderful. There are problems, but life itself has problems, and if you’ve ever lived, you understand what I’m talking about. Married or not, we’ll all have rough times. Marriage is having someone to cling to in those tough times, someone to help you out and someone to help out.
Being married isn’t a chore or something I “accept” about my life. I am so glad to be married. It’s been a great year so far. Marrying the woman of your dreams and then chasing after your dreams with that woman are some of the greatest things in life a man can look forward to. Of course, having kids will be its own adventure and being a great father is a journey I look forward to, but for now I have my wife and she has me.
There’s a lot to say, but all in all, Merry Christmas. I know this post is short, but there’s always so much to do
My feet seem to be defrosting at last as afternoon is only minutes away. I’ve been cold all morning but must admit that the change of weather is very welcome. Autumn always has some strange effect on my spirit. I’m not sure how to say it. I feel more apt to believe in fantasies perhaps. When it’s raining I’m sure fairies exist or that there might be a secret door to a distant land in the trunk of the next tree. Again I’m a child but still so glad to be an adult. I think perhaps my life has been a bit backwards and now that I’m “all growed up” and married I have a different sort of freedom to be a child than before. Or maybe that’s just silly…
Since I haven’t written in so long my thoughts feel all jumbled and hard to put down. That’s a new experience for me. I remember as soon as I could turn words into sentences on paper I found a diary to fill with gel pen, crayon and marker entries. Life seems to go by faster or maybe just move along in a different way now. Maybe I’ve just less need to write things down, I don’t know, but I picked up my latest journal yesterday and found that the previous entry was a month ago! Wow. I’m not sure how to react. The pen felt awkward in my hand as I tried to scratch out a new entry but gave up before filling even one page. Somehow it feels slightly more natural to type it. Never thought I’d say that. Ok world, you win.
Anyway the point of all this is things are worth recording and putting into beautiful words to share and remember. So whoever reads this and even if no one does I want to continue to write. I was made to write and I don’t think that part of me changed. Only God knows. But I want to give it another chance. No matter how halting, confusing and awkward these first entries may be.
Gosh I’m already fidgety to get up.
The outdoors beckons,
Just a pair of weary souls. That’s us. It’s been roughly seven months of engagement. What can we say. We are tired. So tired.
In ten days the painful stretch comes to an end. Thank God. And whatever would we do without Him.
I find that my times alone with my pen full of ink and a blank sheet of paper have become more and more scarce as life moves through each day. Even typing out thoughts as I do now is a rare occurrence of late. I find I miss writing. But there seems to be precious little to write about these days. Ironic. Everything important has rallied together to try to fit into two months of one year, it seems, and yet I’ve found naught to write of…I never thought it would feel that way. So I just sit. And wait. Not idle for a moment for there is to much to do to sit still at the present. But in my mind I am just a child. There’s everything to do before Christmas but nothing to do till Christmas…and suddenly I fear that I am the only one that makes sense to. What shall I make of that?
Ten days. Shall we laugh? Shall we cry? I must look like one of those faces looking out from a mid-evil, baroque painting. Those blank and beautiful expressionless faces. Their faces were not blank because they had no stories to tell. No. No, no.
Looking over the past year in my minds eye it all seems to blur together. It wasn’t so quick while it was happening but now that we are hear it feels as though I have scarcely had time to blink as it went by. If I take a moment to sweep away all the clutter temporarily invading my mind, I can remember the sunny moments. Times God unexpectedly gifted us with something lovely. And times our hearts were left to rest in His presence. Yes, it shall be good to find some rest again, soon. Indeed it shall. And God is still showing us how He never falls, never fails us, and is graciously providing for every aspect of our life. And I shant forget all those times our Father caused us to cry by simply existing as the great God He is. Lord, may I never forget.
So we’re ready to move on. Ready to enter a new bit of life with one another and God. I am preparing to move all my things into the mountains. What an indescribable feeling.
Run for the hills!
I never expected my life to look like anyone else’s and, by golly, that’s the one thing that hasn’t surprised me about these past few years.
Here we go. With Father pulling our weary selves onward and succeeding with HIS strength alone.
Here we go…
Here is a direct link to our registry:
Just click the link above and it’ll take right there.
And here is our wedding website:
Also when you go to R.S.V.P. be sure you fill out the entire form to do so because otherwise it will not submit properly. Any questions? You have three options to get a hold of us.
- Just scroll to the bottom of this post and hit “comment” to leave us a note. (If you do this be sure to leave us your email or phone number so we can get back to you).
- Email Leandra directly at email@example.com or
- Call the number on your invitation and leave us a detailed message (it’s fine to R.S.V.P. on the answering machine if you’re not so computer savvy. Just make sure you leave the number of people attending and of course your last name and phone number).
We ask you to do this as soon as possible as we do need a head count to plan out the rest of our details. Thank you so much. God bless.
Tucked under the covers and propped on doubled pillows with crutches standing at ready near by, I write.
Yes, somehow I have managed to screw up my right ankle and in these past couple days I’ve come to a deeper more reverent appreciation for the fact that I’ve been given two feet. God in all his wisdom, perfection and glory has blessed me greatly.
I won’t say I haven’t had moments of rather acute frustration (showering was a disaster) and the enemy is surely trying to get the “keep moving do-it-yourself” side of me down but God is still good and a useless foot cannot keep me from singing his praise. This must look so small to the God of all creation and He’s still holding me.
He is still holding us. We’re so ceaselessly thankful to have such a loving Father. He keeps knocking our socks off with how abundantly and perfectly He provides for His children.
These past months have been beyond crazy and difficult, like no other time in our lives. By some undefinable act of grace we are still going, running on His strength alone as the day approaches when engagement shall be closed in the coffin and forever put to rest.
Four months and ten days down, less than two months to go. He’s provided our living situation and enabled us to set that in stone, matched my family up with a friend in need of housing who will stick around after I move out to help with child care and such, blessed us with people who pray with and for us, provided again and again with TK’s work situation and even been so good with little wedding details such as finding my dress. Those are just a few things; the list goes on and on.
So for now we’re just clinging to our Father as He gets us through this time one day at a time. We stand (sit, hop and crawl in my case) in His grace alone. We ask to keep praying that He may be glorified.
Morning. I wake feeling as though, perhaps, just perhaps, my brains might be revived from a night’s sleep. Pushing away the covers, I arise to great the day, abandon all previous hope for the recovery of my thinking skills, and bid my brains fare the well!
That’s what it feels like. I’m constantly running out of brains! I find that life now, and quite probably forever more, can be summed up in one simple sentence-
God remains good and my brains remain strangely absent.
I have come to understand, with great passion and sympathy, why my own mother, in my younger years, would, on occasion, take ages to answer a simple question. In those seemingly far off days it had irked my childish impatience. Now I’ve come to appreciate the fact that she even found it in her busy mother-of-four mind to answer at all. It’s interesting how time can change that.
Sometime last year I had concluded that I knew, very well, the life of a scatterbrained individual. I was wrong! Engagement magnifies all that still! I don’t really know what it is. I’m endlessly grateful that we’re both the type to keep detailed to do lists. God’s been so sweet to give me a man that will use what’s left of his own weary mind to keep me accountable and urge me on. All we can do is lift our hands to our blessed Lord; He only is worthy of all credit and praise for everything. We’re just clinging desperately to Him with the last of anything we’ve got left (and for me that’s not the brains).
So if you’re talking to me and my gaze goes right past your face and on into hyperspace I ask that you just praise God then make loud obnoxious noises and dance around like a fool to jar me back into reality (or scare the pee out of me).
In time’s such as these I just thank God because He’s always God regardless of my current mental state. And He’s been so faithful to provide that “sound mind” right at the last moment when I need it. May He receive all the glory!